The Cycle Star

Dear Sir / Madam (my brother Mathroobootham is pre-occupied in figuring out which side of the 2 sided dhoti he should wear for the evening’s function) so here goes:

I want to tell you a kutty kadhai, This kutty kadhai is about a circus performer. He is known to drive a bicycle on single wheel, and before you could say ‘ammadi’ he’ll start riding it on a rope tied at a height of 7 ½  feet. People throng to the circus just to see him perform. Sometimes the front wheel will be in the air and the next time you go to watch him, the rear wheel will be up in the air. This way, he will show very big differences in his performance. The cycle act became so important that the people will not allow any other performance in the circus. Even the trapeze artists and the elephant that could dance on one leg have to wait. The audience will start shouting cycle, cycle cycle the moment the curtains go up. Such was his popularity. He owed it all to the dexterity and skill he showed in the cycle stunts.

The cyclist became very popular and he boasted to the manager of the circus that people come only to watch him perform and if he did not perform they will stop coming to the circus and all the other performers and the animals have to go home or to the forest as the case may be.

Over the years, the name and fame of the popular cyclist grew big. Bigger than the tummy of the sumo wrestlers. Whenever a festival day approaches, the fans will be waiting for the dates of the circus to be announced so that they could watch their popular cyclist perform his thing.

  

To capitalize on this popularity, the circus manager decided to announce a grand function. He said that during this function, the cycle star will meet his fans and talk about the new tricks he’s going to perform.

Even before the date of the circus could be announced there was media frenzy, competitions were announced, and winner will get half -ticket free to the special show. The day of the grand function, social media was abuzz with what the cycle star would do. Maybe, this time, he will ride the cycle without any wheels? Probably. 

The stadium was packed with his fans – mostly young people, some of them had bunked college to attend – except of course the students from the particular college where the event was being held. The audience however had to endure another 3 hours of long speeches extolling their hero (not the hero cycle, but the performer – sorry for confusing you) before finally, the cyclist appeared on the stage.

The presenters shouted on top of the rising cacophony and asked the already delirious crowd to shout the name of the cyclist even louder. Amidst this bedlam, our cycle star started to speak. As he started his prepared speech, the presenter stopped him mid -way and said, sir, I want to ask you this question on behalf of not only your Tamil Nadu fans, but from all India level. This time, the other lady presenter interrupted and corrected him and said that the cyclist has a fan-club even in Siberia and Mongolia. So, the presenter corrected himself and said on behalf of the universe and the galaxy, and the people and animals and things living on this planet and above it he wanted to ask this question.

The cyclist was surprised as he was not expecting any questions…but in front of thousands of his fans, he did not want to disappoint so he nodded his agreement.

Then the presenter started. Sir, you know that the airline industry in this country is going through lot of turbulence. Recently the pilots have gone on strike and refused to fly  unless their  triple demands for 1. Increase in their salaries 2. increase in the beer allowance during flying days and 3. Setting up a mini bar in the cockpit. The cyclist at this point was blank as he does not know what is going on in the world around him,  but agreed that the pilots are indeed very stubborn.

Now, the presenter asked to the cyclist, If the trained pilots refuse to operate the flights, who will fly them? Who will protect the rights of the poor frequent fliers of this country? Will all the planes be grounded?  Then the presenter turned towards the audience and gesticulated with the mike pointed in their direction. Who will fly the plane? The audience taking a cue from the presenter started shouting, the Cycle Star! Then a big chorus started : fly, fly the plane.

This time, the presenter with a very smug face looked at the star and said sir, the fans want you to fly the aircraft, they know you can do it. After all you can drive a bicycle upside down, without pedals. What do you say sir? The people want to know, in fact, the Nation wants to know, the world wants to know?

The other anchor of the show meanwhile was orchestrating the chorus of fly, fly, you must fly .. the star then gestured with his hands to his fans and they became quiet. Then he started to speak. Nanbargale , you had asked the right question. I know the airline pilots are holding the entire country to ransom. We should not allow this. We have to do everything to stop it.

At this time, the presenter pressed the mike into the star’s face – Sir, if you were given a chance to fly the plane will you do it? The Cycle Star was genuinely surprised, he had thought that he could get away by telling some kutty kathai or something and leave, but this is a direct question so he had to give a direct answer.

So he said “if you ask me to fly a plane, I will do it. In fact, if you ask me, I will even fly a rocket for you. After all, I think riding a bicycle is more difficult as you have the handle bar, pedals, two wheels a very small seat and you need practice to balance right. But in an airplane, all the pilots have to do is toggle few switches all around them and above them and the plane will fly ..also with no traffic jam in the air, it is easy to keep flying. I’m ready to fly the plane, anytime”

The crowd became hysterical and started chanting long live the Cyclist Pilot….